Some people have severe difficulty in expressing their emotions and under-
standing the emotions of others. Psychologists call this alexithymia (which is Greek
for "lack of emotion").58 People who suffer from alexithymia rarely cry and are
often seen by others as bland and cold. Their own feelings make them uncomfort-
able, and they're not able to discriminate among their different emotions. Addition-
ally, they're often at a complete loss to understand what others around them feel.
Does this inability to express emotions and read others mean that people
who suffer from alexithymia are poor work performers? Not necessrily. Consistent
with our discussion on matching personality types with appropriate jobs, people
who lack emotion need to be in jobs that require little or no emotional labor.
These people are not well suited to sales and managerial positions. But they might
very well be effective performers, for instance, in a job writing program code or in
any work that is confined exclusively to computer interaction.
GENDER AND EMOTIONS
It's widely assumed that women are more "in touch" with their feelings than
men-that they react more emotionally and are better able to read emotions in
others. Is there any truth to these assumptions?
The evidence does confirm differences between men and women when it
comes to emotional reactions and ability to read others. In contrasting the gen-
ders, women show greater emotional expression than men;60 they experience
emotions more intensely; and they display more frequent expressions of both
positive and negative emotions, except anger.61 In contrast to men, women also
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nderstanding another person's felt emotions
is a very difficult task. But we can learn to
read others' displayed emotions. We do this
by focusing on verbal, nonverbal, and paralinguistic
cues.59
The easiest way to find out what someone is feel-
ing to to ask them. Saying something as simple as "Are
you OK? What's the problem?" can frequently provide
you with the information to assess an individual's
emotional state. But relying on a verbal response has
two drawbacks. First, almost all of us conceal our
emotions to some extent for privacy and to reflect
social expectations. So we might be unwilling to share
our true feelings. Second, even if we want to verbally
convey our feelings, we may be unable to do so. As
we've noted previously, some people have difficulty
understanding their own emotions and, hence, are un-
able to verbally express them. So, at best, verbal re-
sponses provide only partial information.
You're talking with a co-worker. Does the fact
that his back is rigid, his teeth clenched, and his facial
muscles tight tell you something about his emotional
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state? It probably should. Facial expressions, gestures,
body movements, and physical distance are nonverbal
cues that can provide additional insights into what a
person is feeling. The facial expressions shown in
Exhibit 4-5, for instance, are a window into a person's
feelings. Notice the difference in facial features: the
height of the cheeks, the raising or lowering of the
brow, the turn of the mouth, the positioning of the lips,
and the configuration of the muscles around the eyes.
Even something as subtle as the distance someone
chooses to position himself or herself from you can
convey their feelings, or lack thereof, of intimacy, ag-
gressiveness, repugnance, or withdrawal.
As Janet and I talked, I noticed a sharp change in
the tone of her voice and the speed at which she
spoke. I was tapping into the third source of informa-
tion on a person's emotions-paralanguage. This is
communication that goes beyond the specific spoken
words. It includes pitch, amplitude, rate, and voice
quality of speech. Paralanguage reminds us that people
convey their feelings not only in what they say but
also in how they say it.
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